5 effective ways to find your real self

By TNT Bureau

Sep 7, 2016: It is quite common that the advice we all get from our elders most of the time is to be yourself and we try to do that. But nobody tells us how exactly we should do that. Have a look at the 5 effective ways to find your real self.

Make sense of your past

In order to uncover who we are and why we act the way we do, we have to know our own story. Being brave and willing to explore our past is an important stepping stone on the road to understanding ourselves and becoming who we want to be. Research has shown that it isn’t just the things that happened to us that define who we become, but how much we’ve made sense of what’s happened to us. Unresolved traumas from our history inform the ways we act today. Studies have even shown that life story coherence has a “statistically significant relationship to psychological well-being.

 Think about what you want

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There’s a tendency in life to focus on the negative. Many of us fall too easily into victimized thoughts and complaints about our circumstances and surroundings rather than orienting ourselves toward positive goals, strategies and solutions. Put simply, we think a lot about what we don’t want instead of concentrating on what we do

Knowing what we want is fundamental to finding ourselves. Recognizing our wants and desires helps us realize who we are and what’s important to us. This may sound simple, but most of us are, to varying degrees, defended against our feelings of wanting. We may feel guarded, because we don’t want to get hurt. Wanting makes us feel alive and, therefore, vulnerable in the world. To truly live means we can truly lose. The experience of joy and fulfillment can be met with feelings of anxiety, and on a deeper level, profound sadness.

Recognize your personal power

When we know what we want, we are challenged to take power over our lives. No longer are we engaging in a spiral of negative thinking that tells us all the things that are wrong with the world around us or all the reasons we can’t have what we want. Instead, we are accepting ourselves as a powerful player in our own destiny. Harnessing our personal power is essential to both finding and becoming ourselves.

“Personal power is based on strength, confidence, and competence that individuals gradually acquire in the course of their development,” said Dr. Firestone. “It is self-assertion, and a natural, healthy striving for love, satisfaction and meaning in one’s interpersonal world.” Knowing our personal power means recognizing that we have a heavy effect on our lives. We create the world we live in. To create a better world means shifting our outlook, feeling empowered and rejecting a victimized point of view.

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Silence Your inner critic

To be an adult, we must also break the ways we self-parent, either by criticizing or soothing ourselves. Dr. Firestone advises that we stop listening to our “critical inner voice.” This destructive thought process can be made up of a judgmental attitude that tells us we aren’t good enough to succeed or don’t deserve what we want or a soothing-seeming attitude that tells us we don’t have to try or that we need to be taken care of or controlled. By recognizing and standing up to this internal enemy, we learn not to be parental or childish in our lives but to find our real selves and know our strength and ability.

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